Best New Music: Duchess Wah Wah – Touch It

Duchess Wah Wah is a hot piece of ass. I’m telling you man, she’s got a rack and a half and legs that go AAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL the way up. The provocative album cover of this, her sophomore release could be the body of anyone but I like to pretend its hers.

I like to imagine that I am a miniature version of myself and have just signed a 12-month fixed-term lease on her body and am ready to move in to the soft folds pictured within the sleeve. I spend hours wondering how to arrange my furniture to ensure minimal discomfort to my host while still allowing me room to swing my miniature cat. I wonder if the bathroom has frosted glass protecting the Duchess from catching me mid crimp, or if it has a lock on the door to avoid any unpleasant or embarrassing incidents such as walking in on me at the vinegar strokes.

Who would I call to fix a leaky tap? Would she allow me to paint or does her auntie from Reading keep abreast on maintenance.

I despair however at her choice of well known gash hound Dickie Knee as producer and do a little sick burp when I think of him and his big greasy pie hands at the controls of her record, with me looking out of my kitchen window, between her tits, witnessing it all but not being able to kick his ass because I’m miniature.

All this is however speculation at the moment as my infinite army of monkey’s has yet to create a machine capable of shrinking me and my cat. Furthermore our solicitors have yet to reach an agreement regarding use and maintenance of the garden.

(Could you find it in your heart to mention the music next time please – Ed)

Reviewed by miniGMgoit